Pirates Didn't Always Recognize Their Doctors, Either

It's morning at St. Vincent's. A light fog hangs over the city and the hum of traffic from the Red Mountain Expressway increases as Jones Valley comes to life. Kelli slept with her eye patch last night, which has helped her eye stay moist. The rest of the right side of her face, however... She looks like a Botox experiment gone horribly awry. But there are absolutely no wrinkles on that side of her face. Soon, aging starlets everywhere will order elective Parsley as they drool and slur their way through their film roles. "I loul lide do dand de acadedy."

Dr. Goolsby, one of the OB's in Dr. Sharp's practice came by this morning. (The practice is Sharp and Stone. When spoken out loud, Kelli had a C-section done by sharpened stone.) Kelli began a rant about the NICU and why Cooper was there when he was perfectly healthy and how she needed his help if the situation continued. He then asked her who her pediatrician was. To which she replied, "I thought that's who I was talking to." Then she went on to blame it on the eye patch. The eye patch! Johnny Depp is rolling in his grave.

Wait... What? Okay, I've just been informed that Johnny Depp was not an actual pirate. And apparently he didn't wear an eye patch. But the rest is accurate. Wait -- what now?! He's not dead? How do you know? Alright, fine! If you're so smart, why don't you do the blog?! Sheesh...