Sleep Deprivation and its Dissuasive Effects on Personal Physical and Spiritual Fitness

I'm tired. I'm accustomed to sleeping very few hours at night, but now those precious hours are broken up by hour-long feeding sessions. And last night, we slept on the sofa. I had planned on getting back on the Body for Life bandwagon after I wrapped up the Alabama job a few weeks ago, but Cooper made an early appearance, as you know. It's one thing to maintain a fitness routine with a new baby, but to restart one that has been dormant for more than 3 months is nearly impossible. I'm not lacking motivation, especially given that Coop thinks my breasts are capable of lactation! I may have to invest in former Alabama coach Dennis "Hold the Rope" Franchione's bra for men, the Franssiere.

I am also really wanting to establish a daily routine of reading the bible and prayer/meditation. I'm a really bad Christian, as far as those things go. Not that I think that behaviors are key to spiritual maturity, but it's tough to have a relationship with someone you know very little about and never talk to, but that's exactly my relationship with God. Once again, exhaustion is taking a toll.

The solution, I've decided, is to turn the problem over to Wannabe Films' consumer products division, Wannabe Amalgamated Products Consolidated, Inc. Our R&D folks are now working on a liquid sleep product tentatively named "SleepFast." Three shakes a day combined with a 20-minute power nap are like a full night's sleep. Our biggest problem right now are the flavors. The best the chemists can come up with are liver & licorice, strawberry-mothball and malted turpentine.

Some of our other upcoming products include: ground beef in a giant toothpaste tube called "I Can't Believe it's a Squeezeburger!" "Tube-O-Salad" (with patented keep-fresh plunger.) And "Pinch A Loaf" -- oven-ready frozen breads in 10 and 20-foot lengths. We are also working with our friend David Adams of Metro PictureWorks, whose products division is Metropolitzenprodüktworkenz. Our combined effort is to bring to market David's invention, "B'day Mate!", a bidet in a can product. "It's like dipping your bum in a raging mountain stream!"