Does anyone here can't Breastfeed?!

Okay, the title of this post has nothing to do with the subject matter, but I saw that on one of Kelli's parenting boards and I couldn't resist. I'm not sure what sort or grammatical structure governs a sentence like that, but I like it! It's better than Yoda-speak, which very tiresome has become. Now, I do Moving on to the post I have can Write.

Cooper is going to eat us into bankruptcy. If it's not bad enough that the kid always seems to choose the 4-7am window to exercise his colon (usually to no avail,) he is now eating every two hours! We're going to bump him up from four to six ounces per feeding, and see what that does. If it doesn't work, he's going out to live with the dog. I'm still convinced we can get a research grant for that kind of thing.

It's gotten so that if we want to accomplish anything, we must leave the house to do it. The narcotic effect of the car does work on him -- it's like baby Kryptonite, baby crack and baby snake oil all rolled into one. Baby too fussy? Take a drive. Baby not sleeping enough? Load 'em up in the family sedan. Baby sleeping too much? Also the car. Baby screaming in tongues and levitating six feet off the floor? Lasso it, strap it into the car seat, fill the radiator with holy water and go for a drive... Then leave it on the doorstep of a monastery far, far away.

Savannah's a bit of a nut job, fluttering from sweet and considerate to obstinate, manic and crude. She has boundless energy these days, and it's tough to get her settled down for bed at night. She got in some trouble last week, and we told her we were taking back one of her Christmas gifts. This was a gift she had accidentally found, mind you. She was very upset about this punishment, so she decided to take it to the Big Man -- Santa. This is the same girl who screamed her head off two years ago in her Santa photo op and flat refused to see the JOE (Jolly Old Elf) last year. Now she was itching to go.

Last night we took the kids (that still sounds weird) to the mall to meet the man himself. Savannah was not only willing, but excited to do the photo. Then she stuck around to make sure she got the list to Santa: Barbie House, Barbie Castle, some horsies and the Barbie Pegasus movie. The last one was most important -- that's what we were going to take back. We'll see if Santa sees fit to bring it himself...

The adjustment from one kid to two has been a little tougher than I would have hoped, but thankfully I'm light on work right now. My exhaustion stumbles on. Earlier, I almost spread baby formula all over the counter top and put Clorox kitchen wipes in the baby's bottle. We're double-teaming this challenge and, in time, it'll get better. Until then, I'll keep surviving on caffeine and prayer.

Category:

• Family