That's the real Winter Claus in there, by the way. Wait, I've just been informed that the Claus in Winter Claus is still a derivation of the Catholic Saint Nicholas. Therefore, he shall now be known as the Holiday Gift Distributor, or the HGD, if you prefer.
Other updates: He does not wear fur on his jacket, that is purely synthetic. Upon advice of counsel, he will no longer allow children to sit in his lap to present their gift wishes. Nor will he accept hand-written letters out of concern for deforestation. (An exception will be made for letters written on papers made of at least 80% post-consumer material. The preferred method of filing one's request will be via e-mail or the convenient web form (sponsored by the Home Depot) on his new website, www.hebethehgd.com.
The so-called "naughty and nice" list has been appropriately renamed to reflect the complex psychological roots of child behavior as the "acting out due to deep emotional wounds inflicted in infancy or early childhood and simply in denial" list. It may not work in a song, but poet Maya Angelou has been commissioned to squeeze it into a Haiku.
Happy Solstice everybody!
